Are women and men really that different? Maybe you have an opinion on this already, but if not, then this Q&A is for you.
I asked two rising stars— TVland’s multi talented host, Aashna & Hollywood’s new funny man, actor, Kal Penn to represent their genders and give us their real deal on Love, Sex & Relationships.
Most people opt for the safe route when choosing a career path, especially when culture is still dictated by tradition, as within the South Asian community. When most of the one billion strong tell you that safety is dependable and dependability is constant, most never think that tradition becomes so because we make it so. Some, however, like Aashna and Kal, prefer to go against the grain. This is their constant and they are making it happen in the world of mainstream entertainment.
Read On…
What is love?
A. My definition of love keeps changing as I learn more about it. Love is both a choice and a feeling that’s always new and full of energy, where both you and the one or ones you love feel free from duty and responsibility.
K. love (luv)
n.
1. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude towards a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
2. An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object.
Have you ever been in love?
A. I believe love is eternal. We’ve always been there and we always will. If you’re asking if I’ve ever been “in love”, the answer is ‘Yes’.
K. Yeah. I had a goldfish once.
Do you believe in love at first sight?
A. In my opinion, love is partly a choice, so “love at first sight” is possible. However, I have personally never experienced it.
K. No.
If you are/were in love, how would you describe it?
A. God has truly tested me on this topic. I used to have such enormous expectations from love. It’s taken some time for me to realize that being in love has nothing to do with satisfaction, dependence or attachment. I know I’m in love when putting someone else’s needs ahead of mine brings me happiness.
K. I would say it’s kind of like Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. Rifat Bee was right.
If love was an Indian food dish, what would it be and why?
A. Paper Dosa, because it blows me away and I never get tired of it. It’s simple and delicate. It takes a lot of gentleness and tenderness to prepare, and it’s never the same as yesterday or tomorrow.
K. Oh man, we’re takin’ it there? Okay, okay let’s see…I don’t think love can be quantified like that. If I had to pick something, it would probably be like warm lassi – because lassi can take on so many flavours—sweet, salty, etc. But it’s definitely got to be something warm, because that’s how love makes you feel inside. Unpredictable (like the flavours, which take you on a ride—sometimes salty, sometimes sweet) but always warm (I know lassi isn’t warm, but you get the idea!). If it WERE warm…
SEX. . .
What is sexy?
A. There is nothing sexier than feeling absolutely comfortable and uninhibited.
K. Sexy is a totally overused word in Hindi films post 1997.
Are you sexy? If so/not, how do you know?
A. I think sexy is an attitude; so sometimes I am and sometimes I’m not. I think I’m more funny than sexy.
K. I think everyone can be sexy. Here comes the cliché, ready…? Sexy is a state of mind. Bam! There, I said it. But it’s true. Anyone can look hot, but without the personality and passion, hotness ain’t got nothin’ on sexy.
When you’re feeling all warm inside, do you think of men, women or both?
A. I think about the people I love.
K. Women.
What is the best and worst thing about sex?
A. The best thing is experiencing closeness with someone you love. The worst thing is that it makes it more challenging to make decisions with the mind rather than the heart.
K. My mom is gonna read this, so I’m just gonna take this opportunity to say waddup to her. Hi mom!
Your erogenous zone—where is it?
A. My mind.
K. Hi mom!
What is your favourite part of the opposite sex’s body?
A. His mind. His body means nothing to me if I’m not mentally stimulated.
K. Brain.
Sure-fire bedroom line?
A. It would take much more than a line. Ha!
K. Did you fart, or was it I?
You’re feeling horny. What’s the first thing that enters your mind?
A. I’m liberal minded, but some topics are too sacred to discuss.
K. Um… are you guys serious? My MOM is gonna read this! And so are all the aunties. Actually, maybe that’s a good thing. Hey…what are aunties into…? Hmmmm let me see. Maybe I can score me an auntie! First thing that enters my mind…? An auntie!
Favourite getting-it-on location?
A. Cozying up in the soft cool sand, listening to the crash of the ocean waves, smelling the crisp air while watching the sunset. A setting like that evokes my senses.
K. People who I’ve gotten it on with know.
Do you bite, like to be bitten, both or none?
A. It depends on how sweet he is.
K. Dare you to find out.
What do you do after sex?
A. The same thing I do before.
K. Pay her the $250 bucks and bid her farewell. Actually, I give her $251. It’s auspicious.
Sexiest item of clothing that never fails to get your juices flowing?
A. If I love the guy, it doesn’t matter if he wears “droopy tighty whities”.
K. Anything Indian. Especially Chunia Choli. A beautiful Indian woman in that kills.
Pet sexual peeve?
A. “Players”. They’re disrespectful and dishonest and much too insecure.
K. When a woman says something stupid, or doesn’t laugh if something is funny. I also can’t stand it if I say something unfunny and she laughs because she thinks she has to. Totally ruins the mood.
Who is the first person you want to talk to when you get up in the morning and why?
A. My brother Chirag, because he’s one of the main reasons that makes my life worth living. He’s brutally honest with me and doesn’t let me get away with anything. He’s my best friend!
K. God. To thank for a beautiful day.
Share an erotic and memorable night of loving. We want ALL the gory details!
A. Some things will have to be left to the imagination.
K. I bet you do.
If your partner wanted to watch a porno flick with you and gave you the option to pick it, which one would you pick and why?
A. I don’t know the name of a single porno.
K. If she wanted to watch one, she’d have to pick it.
Do these flicks turn you on?
A. They actually make me laugh. I’d rather watch anything else.
K. Only if the acting and story are good.
RELATIONSHIPS. . .
The perfect date.
A. Stimulating conversation, and if that’s lacking, not to date at all.
K. She comes over, I cook (Shut up! I’m a good cook!), we talk, watch a movie, hang out, make some chai, talk some more, etc. Basically, like that one chapter in The Namesake.
When dating, what is the single most crucial ingredient?
A. “Being on the same page”…I’m interested in finding a life partner. If a guy is not on the same page, it’s a waste of my time. I love meeting new people, but I don’t have to go on a date to do it.
K. There are two (in addition to the pretense of attraction): personality and intelligence. Neither can be changed, and both are crucial.
What do you term as ‘serious dating’?
A. If any physical line is crossed, that’s serious dating to me.
K. I think of serious dating more in terms of feelings and less in terms of time limits.
Who is your ideal mate?
A. I don’t believe in an ideal man or woman.
K. Someone with the strength and power of Arundhati Roy, the artistic ability of Jhumpa Lahiri, the brains of both, and the type of beauty that doesn’t require her to put on makeup in order to look or feel good.
Describe the perfect marriage proposal.
A. I just want to know that he unconditionally loves me and that he wants to begin a spiritual path together. Everything else will fall into place.
K. I’ll think about that when the time’s right!
What do you do more of, giving or receiving? (Be honest!)
A. I’m a giver. I have no doubt about that. However, I’m lucky to have received a lot of love in my life.
K. I give a lot of love, and like the same in return.
What do/would you give and what do/would you expect in return?
A. This is a tough one. In the past, I’ve always had a problem expecting too much from love. I would give my unconditional love and expect honesty and respect in return. Being loved unconditionally in return would be a gift.
K. The same.
She/he comes home after a gruelling day, complaining how overworked and underpaid she/he is. What do you do to relax her/him?
A. Let him vent, put a positive spin on it, play soothing music, light candles, cook dinner and give him a relaxing massage until he falls asleep.
K. Talk about getting a different job, make dinner and give her a massage.
In discussion with your other half, you realize that she/he is getting quite annoyed. What do you do?
A. Sometimes, I take a break from the discussion until he cools off. Other times, I continue the discussion until I’m satisfied and let him get annoyed. I’m stubborn and I want things resolved even though the timing may not be right for him. It’s something I need to work on.
K. If she’s getting annoyed, I probably am too. So, we take a break, or just keep annoying each other.
Someone whose opinion you hold in the highest of regard tells you that they dislike and distrust your significant other. How do you respond?
A. What a miserable situation! I listen to whatever is said, but I do what I think is best for me and face the consequences.
K. Ask why. And figure it out.
If the perfect relationship were a pizza, what would be its ingredients? For example, the dough is the foundation on which everything else is built. For me, the dough is love. So, bearing this in mind, what is your dough (foundation)?
A. The word ‘perfect’ doesn’t exist in my mind. The dough is our spiritual beliefs. That has to be in common for a successful relationship. The sauce is our lifetime commitment to each other. Half the pizza has some veggies and meat, which are his characteristics. The other half is vegetarian, which are my characteristics. The cheese represents our love, so it’s graciously spread over the entire pizza, to the point where you can’t see what’s underneath. And last but not least, some hot red peppers are sprinkled on top to add a little spice. Now, I’m hungry…mmm!
K. My foundations are trust and honesty, so I guess that would be the dough. Beyond that, I guess I’d add a little bit of everything. If a relationship were perfect, it’d be boring. I can’t stand boring.
First published in Summer 2004 issue, www.AnokhiMagazine.com.
Photo Credits:
Photo: Nick Saglimbeni
Models: Aashna & Kal Penn
Makeup: Therese Willis
Makeup Products: M·A·C
Production: Shivani Kumar
Wardrobe: Madi
Hair: Liz Webster
Open ChestTM is a trademark of RG Media Enterprises Inc. All rights reserved.
